Anime Recommendation: ONLY YESTERDAY

I hear people saying that animes are for kids because they are “cartoons”. So I have come across this amazing anime that hasn’t been appreciated much. A mature and slow one that shall not be appearing in the dynamics of what people call “cartoon”.

MOVIE: ONLY YESTERDAY

Another wonder from GHIBLI STUDIO. Film by Isao Takahata and Produced by Hayao Miyazaki.

This anime is a slow burner and may get boring. But the thing that grabbed me till the end was its simplicity. The simplicity of the anime was so relatable. Unlike other anime, it didn’t have any supernatural effects, sad story or even any romance. It just had this subtle voice that made me recall my childhood.

The visualisation throughout the whole movie is like an ASMR and is damn satisfying to watch. It makes one feel alive and crave for such simplicity.

The maturity of the anime was pouring out with every scene. Every time when Taeko, the protagonist, would recall her past we could see how much far she has come and how little her past affected her. And yet at the same time, it was her past that moulded her and made her who she was in the present.

The best thing for me was the ending. Something that made me really emotional. And again, no, there is no extravagance in the ending either. It was just a SIMPLE ending. But the way the ending was executed, it really made a difference to me of how we see the world and our own life.

May be you can see yourself in Taeko, like I did. May be not. But you must watch it anyway. It will make one think that they lived their whole childhood “only yesterday”.

Wind

As the slow wind hits my temples,
I fathom over the grey skies
And think about the numerous kites
Flying over me.

The rain will pour soon
The birds are returning home
As I turn into page 185 of my book

Trying to concentrate among all the chirping.
As the slow wind hits my temples.

Two Animes That Made Me Cry.

Instead of my usual sad poetry today I would be talking about these two animes that made me cry, ponder over situations and feel those things that I never knew existed.

1. Grave of the Fireflies

This 1988 movie is based on the life of two orphaned siblings stuck in the situation of the WWII. Nowhere to go, no food to eat and with no one except for each other. These anime made me cry because I knew that this can be, and is, real. And That during those times many people died. Many children became orphans in split seconds. The character of Seita and Setsuko almost feels alive, that is the magic of Anime.

Not giving any spoilers. But you should definitely watch this master piece.

2. In this Corner of the World

Set again in the time of WWII, the movie shows the hard time people had to go through. But unlike the former one this one adds a kind of cute-comical element. Which gives the sad part even more effect.

If you want to have a good cry and create a artsy scar in your heart, Watch these movies. ❤️❤️❤️

Two kites

Under the blanket of thick clouds
As I lay my head on the grass
I saw two kites.
One orange and the other brown.

I close my eyes
As I try to memorize these scenes in my head.
Forgetting beautiful things is an art for me.

That’s why I couldn’t ever forget my childhood.

With my left hand I grab few grasses.
And have this urge to pluck them out.
But I don’t.

I smell the mild summer breeze with the smell of Jasmine.
I try to register the smell of it in my mind.
As quickly as possible.

As I open my eyes,
I find myself
In the enclosed room of four yellow walls.
With the fan above me making the usual mechanical noise.

Trapped

We all are Trapped.
We all are Trapped.

In one way or the other. Be it physically or mentally. Barriers exist both in the jails and and in our mind.

Sometimes we come out.

Sometimes we try.

Sometimes we fail.

But most of the times we don’t even know that we are Trapped.

Trapped in our own castle of thoughts waiting for our Knight in shining armour to rescue us.

And most of the times we become that knight.

Trapped in the realms of shadows waiting for the sunlight to hit us.

We all are Trapped.

We all are prisoners.

Sometimes prisoners of others and sometimes of our own.

We all are Trapped.

In relationships. In work. In choices of others. And in our own mind.

We all are Trapped.

Under the veil of convention

I am not the only one to say that. Relatives, classmates and acquaintances. ‘what happen to your face?’, ‘apply this and you will become beautiful’ (didn’t work by the way), ‘apply that and you will look pretty’ (didn’t work either).

I have pimples and acne scars on my face.

I have a bloated tummy. Short and damaged hair. Short nails that can’t grow properly. Reducing hairline. I am short. And also have ugly feet.

I know all these things and each and every other day I try to forget all these and start a happy new day but NO…..

There will be that someone who won’t let me forget how ugly I am

There will be that someone who will kill my sparkle.

There will be that someone who will destroy my confidence.

There will be that someone who won’t let my soul breath.

I try to distance myself from people to save my still-alive confidence. So that my sparkle doesn’t get watered again and again and yet again.

I know I am ugly. I didn’t choose it, it chose me.

I know I am ugly. You don’t have to remind me of that every time you meet me.

I know I am ugly. But…

I am beautiful the way I am.

I am beautiful in my own eyes and that is more than enough.

Everyone is and everyone will be. No matter what. No matter what people say. You and I will always be beautiful. We all might not become models but one day you will become a renowned photographer and will be asked for appointments to shoot models and I will become a writer to write about those photos.

Someday we all will be beautiful.

Someday beauty will exist only at heart and not on face.

Someday…

I apologise to my soul

Hi,

It has been days I have not written about you. I have been procrastinating in even loving myself.

I am sorry, Saima.

I really am.

I am sorry I can’t help you when you cry in that corner of wet bathroom, drenched but in tears. I am sorry that all I can do is stare at you when you want to talk to someone, to anyone or anything. I am sorry I cannot hold your hand when you wanted to run away from all these mess. And I am sorry that I cannot comfort you when you cannot sleep and just stare at the ceiling in the darkness.

Also, I am sorry for not loving you.

I am still trying to. I am trying my best. I am trying my best to stop you from hating yourself, from harming yourself, and to stop you from not breathing. It takes time and it will take more. More and more.

I know you want to live in your own cocoon and be all anti-social 365 days a year, but deep down inside you want to be friends with that girl in your class, talk to old friends, talk to your family, have an ice-cream, go out wherever the fuck you want, tell your crush you love him/her, and play your ukulele and sing your heart out, and mend things, anything.

I know you want to fight and live for yourself.

Whoever is reading this, if you’re still reading this, thank you. Thank you to anyone and everyone for reading my story and (may be) understanding my pain.

It’s not always this sad but sometimes, out of nowhere, while listening to Kabira in the middle of the day, I suddenly think of crying. Yes, an urge to cry and I don’t know why. I don’t know why I am sad. Well, I know and don’t know at the same time. And this fact creeps me out.

If at any point, you think I am speaking nonsense and bullshit, guess what, I am. That’s what I think of myself. And that’s why I write and not speak to people. Because it’s bullshit. Yes.

But Saima, just know that I will always be there for you no matter what. I will be there for you even when I am broken and busy trying to find my missing pieces under the GIANT table of life.

Hi Saima

Hi Saima,

I know

It’s not easy.

I know
It’s not easy to breathe.
To wake up every morning.
To hope and
May be to live.

And it’s definitely not easy to control your dam of tears.

Why is there no baggage claim section for your emotional baggages?

Why I can’t just leave them in the airport of darkness?

Why is it so heavy that even Sisyphus can’t roll it?

I sit in the class wondering the power of my glasses,
that with so much strength for vocabulary,
I still can’t find a single word for the storm going inside me
And this storm is as numb and as cold as the wet pillow from last night.

Dear Saima,
You see a monster in the corner of your room every night.
Feeding on you.
On your soul.

You walk up to it, turn it around and see a mirror.
You scream and scream. And scream.
No soul to hear. Not even yours.
That scream is just powerful enough to break the damn mirror. And the reflection.

I am SORRY, Saima, that you have to empty your tank of tears and return to the same spot every night.
I am sorry, that your life can’t be another episode of F.R I.E.N.D.S. OR Modern Family.
I am sorry, that your life can’t be fiction..
I am sorry, that you have to listen to ‘Rehna Tu’ of AR Rehman with a gigantic loneliness beside you.

The length of the rope,
The distance between the blade and the wrist,
The number of pills.
Seems easy to calculate sometimes
Rather than the weight on your tiny heart.

The fact that depression is a “cliché” seems more saddening than cringey. You know.
It shows that so many hearts and souls are crying in that corner every night.
Considering themselves the monster.
Blaming the constellation.
And how they wish their stars to be dead.

But, Saima, just know this that
I will be there for you.
It’s okay to cry like a baby and wake up every morning from that fresh cocoon.

And if not Chandler to your Monica, I will be the Phoebe to your smelly cat.

I will be there to put a stool under your feet, Everytime you’re hanging from that noose.
I will be there to throw away the blade before the disaster happens.
I will be there to flush all your sleeping pills.

I will be there for you every night to put you in fresh bed and dry pillow.
So that you can start the process.
And we can continue with this vicious cycle.
Every day and every night.

I will be there for you.

4:22 AM

As I lie down in my bed at 4:22 AM.
I think of all those moments that never happened. That could have have happened but didn’t.

I imagine a sky above me.
Stars filled to the brim
I close my eyes with tears filled in them and I think why didn’t those moments happen, why did not I let them happen.

The imaginary ceiling collapse as I close my eyes, slowly. And a drop of tear falls off from the corner of my right eye.

The existence of that tear is as miniscule to others as the imaginary ceiling is to me.

I wonder what if those moments happen .

What if I let them happen.
The imaginary ceiling would have been real?
I would have slept without the tear?
And even if I did not would it be as miniscule as it is now?

Paper Planes

I would love to feel your breath
On my neck
With every hour passes by
To be with you
I want to see your lips
On my lips

Everytime I see you
My heart collapses
Your touch makes my skin
Go all numb
Each letter I write to you
Is filling my drawer
Sitting by the window
Holding your hand
The pink sunset is
Leaving by your side.

Itching my goosebumps
Given by you.
Bruises on my elbows
From the walls of memoirs
Tummy hurts of both your
Laughter and pain
Tips of your fingers
To connect your heart

Waiting at the gate
With sunflowers drooping down
Petals falling by
With tears from over the balcony.
Paper planes flying over
To your destiny.